It’s almost Christmas, and while there are 101 things to do around here, I found myself engrossed in a book for a few hours today. Which book was I reading? A Well-Trained Wife: My Escape from Christian Patriarchy by Tia Levings.

I started to read this book about one week ago, and at first, I wasn’t sure what to think about it. I’d assumed that Tia had probably been kind of “tricked” into her marriage, but there were so many red flags that Tia ignored. I mean, even the pastor who counseled Tia and her fiance, Allan, before they were married said they were not a good match. And Allan was abusive from nearly the very start of their relationship

But the more I read, the more engrossed I became. This memoir was raw, and at times uncomfortable, but I couldn’t put it down. You see, I spent many years in Christian fundamentalism before my faith took a turn and I began to deconstruct what I believed.

You can read all about that here.

I too, moved from one fundamental group to another, trying to figure out the “truth.” I too, was censored by our Covenental Reformed Baptist Church, which thought my blogging was dangerous.

My family was this close to being officially excommunicated, but weren’t thanks to my husband’s quick talking. We were shunned however. I clearly remember the evening when one by one, every church member unfriended us on Facebook. A few months later, several other members had left, and they contacted us to apologize. I was thankful for that, but the experience was still traumatizing. My heart still squeezes when I think about it, even over a decade later.

So I was riveted by Tia’s story. Though I couldn’t relate to her experience with her husband, I clearly remember the patriarchal control that I saw in so many of the Christian circles we were involved in. My husband never tried to control me, thank goodness.

At the time, I thought it was the “right” way…how wrong I was. I’ve since learned just how easy it is for churches to interpret the Bible however they like.

My heart broke for Tia over and over again. I couldn’t believe all that she experienced, and how she was turned away when she sought help for the first time. I couldn’t believe the domestic “discipline” she endured, and how there are churches that practice such a thing even today.

I felt like cheering when her family moved away from the wife spanking church, and then crying when her husband completely lost his mind.

I was so happy to see how resilient Tia was through it all. Even though she couldn’t see it at the time, she had a silent strength that truly saved her and her children.

After I finished reading this memoir, I was thoughtful while cleaning for the upcoming holiday.

How could something like this happen?

Why is patriarchy even a thing?

How in the world had I ever thought any type of patriarchal teaching was okay?

I guess from the beginning of time, men have liked power. They’ve been good at explaining to women why they should have this power, too. Google’s AI feature suggests, “Patriarchy is common due to a mix of historical, economic, and social factors, stemming from the shift to agriculture where men controlled land/resources, reinforced by cultural norms, religion, and legal systems that institutionalized male authority, often intertwined with perceived biological differences like physical strength and reproduction roles, creating a self-perpetuating system of male dominance that has shaped societies for millennia, though its origins are debated and it’s understood as a social construct rather than a biological inevitability.”

But I think it’s so important for women’s voices to be heard too if we want a more prosperous and well-rounded society for everyone.

So while I maybe should’ve spent my day working around here, I’m glad I spent several hours finishing up Tia’s book. This afternoon, my whole family pitched in to get some things done around here, and it all worked out in the end.

Have you read A Well-Trained Wife? If so, what did you think?

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