As a woman, it can feel difficult to be absolutely authentic in the world we live in. Last week, I read a statistic that by age twelve, many girls have put who they authentically are aside in order to fit into the culture around them.

This was sobering to me. I’ve seen it play out in my own daughters, and I’ve seen it play out in myself.

We’d like to believe that we are living authentically. But oftentimes, we aren’t. Our actions are simply a reaction to the experiences we’ve encountered.

While we’re very young, it seems like existence is all about us. Everyone is living in our world, and we don’t understand that others are living in their own world, too. Once we fully understand that people might judge our lives like we judge theirs, then we start to really care about what others think.

This is a shame, especially for girls who live in a patriarchal society. They morph into who they aren’t, not understanding why they are doing so.

As a woman who grew up in the Bible belt, I now see just how much this particular toxic culture affected my entire life. I didn’t even realize it. As I’ve healed from it, I see patterns in myself that I want to erase. How often do I look into a mirror to judge my appearance before stepping outside? Or carefully analyze what I share online while fearing how people might react?

I realize that I’d be someone else entirely if I had never been influenced by the world around me. And I want her back!

We can authentically be ourselves without being unkind. A couple of years ago, I equated feminist thinking with overbearing rudeness because this is what my brain had picked up from my culture. But believing that women are as intellectual as men are, and are capable of doing just about anything they can do, does not make me overbearing. Knowing that a society with a balance of both masculine and feminine traits would be amazing, is not rude.

Viewing my marriage as a partnership instead of a submissive relationship is beneficial to both me and my husband.

I can believe in the immense value of women in all areas of life while being thoughtful, kind, and considerate. I can hope for a time when we can simply be ourselves without being influenced by a masculine culture. (That’s not to say that I’d like to live in a feminine culture…not in the least. I’d love to be a part of a society where feminine traits are valued as outwardly as masculine ones, though.)

We should embrace our intuition and other feminine traits as beautiful gifts that benefit society as a whole. We can kindly say no to thinking that downplays who we truly are.

I hope one day, this is reality.

What are some steps to make this happen?

I think perhaps, the most important thing we can do is model our genuine selves for our daughters. Let them see us be exactly who we are, even if our likes and desires are counter-cultural. Yes, we may be “embarrassing” to them, but I think they will appreciate our example once they grow into women themselves.

As a homemaker who loves being at home, I won’t be in the public square sharing my views anytime soon. But encouraging our girls to be authentic, and teaching our boys the value of a society that models a balance of both masculine and feminine traits should go a long way.